My mother died two years ago, but I could not find the space to mourn her. Grief recently arrived quietly and waited at the threshold, because after her death my father's needs filled every area of my life. There were practicalities to manage, emotions to absorb, expectations to meet. In the aftermath of her death, I became useful. I became responsible. I became attentive to everyone except myself. Two years passed in that strange suspended state where loss is present but nev